I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
