Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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