my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
