Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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