I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
she smelled like a LAN party
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
