He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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