He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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