Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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