I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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