dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
