If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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