The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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