My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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