I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
