my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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