I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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