I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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