She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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