it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
