she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I have post one night stand depression
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
