are you still at the devil's house?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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