He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
BRING THE BAGELS
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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