I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
