i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
