I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
