remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
