I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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