Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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