he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
