dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
