Non-Jews are for practice
Betty ford says i'm here all night
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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