dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
