If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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