And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
