evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
