i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I stole a fireplace last night.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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