naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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