I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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