I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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