So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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