She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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