i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Watching her eat just hurts me
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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