I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
