Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
