So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
