Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
