Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
