I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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