she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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