Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
