We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Still dying that you shit outside
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Randomize
