what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
