I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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