Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
