Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
