I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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