No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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