He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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